If you think someone you know has been sexually assaulted, there are lots of ways in which you can help them.
If someone has been sexually assaulted their reactions can vary; they may be afraid, angry or have no outward reaction at all. They might even act in ways that seem unusual to you, even laughing at seemingly inappropriate times.
Disclosures can come in many forms; it could be something said jokingly, a story that someone starts to tell then stops and says it doesn't matter, or it could be a question. You are not expected to be a professional counsellor; however how someone responds to a first disclosure can be really important. It can take time for a person to decide what they want to do and how they want to move forward.
Think
- Are they in immediate danger? If they are in immediate danger or seriously injured, you can call 999 (or 112 from a mobile).
- Find a safe space. If an incident has just happened try and find somewhere they feel safe. If this isn't possible and they are scared or fearful whilst in the Turing’s office space, you can call security on 020 7412 7007 (British Library Control room)
- What is sexual assault? It might be useful to think about what is meant by sexual assault and how these behaviours are described.
- Sexual assault is a crime of power and control. The most important thing is to respond in a way that maximises their choice and control over what happens next. You can simply ask them what they need or want. They might not make the same decision you would; however, only they can decide what is best for them. You can help them explore options, but avoid telling them what they should do.
Talk
- Listen. Just taking the time to listen to someone and talk about what has happened can help. These six active listening tips might help you support them.
Published on Oct 4, 2015 Based on the Samaritans guidelines for active listening.
- Give options. When they have finished talking ask them if they are ok to talk through some possible options and next steps. Remember, it is important that they decide what they want to do-
- HR team An advisor can talk employees through the Turing's procedures, how to make a complaint and what support is available, in confidence.
- Academic Services team An advisor can talk students and Turing Research Fellows through the Turing's procedures, how to make a complaint and what support is available, in confidence.
- Academic Engagement team An advisor can talk a Turing Fellow, TUL, ULM, or someone on a visiting access contract through the Turing's procedures, how to make a complaint and what support is available, in confidence.
Report
- Reporting to the police. If you're thinking of reporting to the police, rape crisis has produced a useful list of things to think about.
- Reporting the incident anonymously. You can call crime stoppers at any point on 0800 555 111 or use their online form.
- Report and Support Any Turing member can report an incident using the Turing’s Report and Support system. You can choose to do this anonymously or you can request support from an advisor. If you choose to talk to an advisor they will be able to talk through the options and support available to you, in confidence.
- Serious Sexual Assault. If a student or member of staff wishes to make a complaint about a serious sexual assault they can contact the Director of People directly.
Remember
- They might not want to report the assault to the police or the Turing. There are a lot of reasons why someone may choose not to report sexual violence.
- In most cases of sexual assault, the offender is known to the victim.
- They might be concerned that people won’t believe them or may not identify what occurred as a sexual assault.
- They may be concerned who else might be informed.
- They may have fear of or confusion about the criminal justice system or what happens if you report it to the Turing.
- If drugs or alcohol were involved, they may choose not to report because they are worried they will get in trouble as well.
- It is up to them to decide what they want to disclose and to whom. Your support can help them talk through their concerns.
- Let them know that you believe them and support their decisions.
- Remind them that no one, regardless of relationship or status, has the right to hurt them and that no matter what, it is not their fault that this occurred.
- Connect them with resources that can help them understand what happens if you report to the police and or the Turing.
Things to avoid
- Just saying "it’s not your fault" (without listening to the survivor's story)
- Using key ‘catch phrases’ or common sayings – e.g. “it will all be better with time"
- Probing for details. Let them tell you what has happened in their own time
- Blaming them – e.g. “what were you wearing?” and “were you drinking?” or “did you text him to come over?”
- Showing disgust or shock
- Smirking and showing obvious disbelief
- "Why didn’t you say straight away? Why are you only coming forward now?"
- Trivialising the experience – “it was only a bit of fumbling”
Get Support
- Find out what support is available if you have been sexually assaulted.
- Rape Crisis provides further information on supporting a survivor.
Mental Health and Wellbeing
1 in 4 people is affected by a mental health problem in any year and it is estimated that around 1 in 5 people has contemplated suicide or self-harm.
- If you are worried or concerned find out more about how you can help them
- Take care of yourself. It’s important that you take care of yourself. If you’ve heard something distressing or if something is troubling you, Turing's External Supervision and the Employee Assistance Programme offer confidential help and is open to both students and staff.